Yes, it’s a diesel! (And other statements of fact)

January 14, 2012 | Posted in Humor, Travel Stories, Uncategorized | By

We had, at one point, a 2006 Jeep Liberty CRD. We did our homework and this suited our needs best (at the time,) so, after scouring eBay and dealing with some, ahem, rather “interesting” car dealers in Miami, completed our purchase. It had the fuel mileage and the towing capacity we needed. Sounds easy, right?

Here’s a hint: if it were easy, I would not be discussing this in the “funny stories” category.

First of all….Diesel. The diesel Liberty was a rarity. So rare that for the first few months we had the thing, every trip to the gas station was a 3-ring circus. “SIR (or “MA’AM, depending on which one of us was outside,) you are about to put DIESEL FUEL into your Jeep.” It was cute the first two times, but every fill-up? By the time it came time to register and plate the thing, I was so sick of hearing about it that our chosen vanity tag was “GRNR DZL.” Greener Diesel in short form. Emphasis on DIESEL. To prevent well-meaning but incorrect folks from having heart attacks as I fill up with diesel fuel.

Second of all…..Towing. We did quite a few cross-country trips then, purchasing cars out of state or delivering items via rented trailer. It would have been OK if booking a trailer through Uhaul’s website actually worked correctly.

But no. The drop down boxes on the pages wouldn’t let me combine Jeep, Liberty, and diesel. To make matters worse, calling Uhaul’s 1-800 number was sometimes just as unhelpful. Let’s just say that I eat smarmy 20-something guys who think I’m STUPID about cars just because I’m female for breakfast. They taste great with barbecue sauce. (“Of COURSE my Jeep can tow, and don’t call me ‘ma’am’ out of spite. I don’t care what your computer system says, I know its specs. I didn’t buy something that wouldn’t be useful for towing cars. May I PLEASE speak to your supervisor?”) I think my personal best (or worst) was speaking to five different representatives before booking my reservation.

We now have a more “typical” ride – a Dodge Ram. A lot of large Corvette parts barely fit in the bed of the truck, so it’s more useful on that front. However, the gas mileage leaves a lot to be desired. It’s almost enough for me to track down that Liberty, kick myself in the butt for getting rid of it, buy it again, and strap Corvette parts to the roof a la Fred Flintstone and his rack of ribs. Almost.